Out of the Extremes

We’re living in mad times. I spend much time observing, analysing and researching, trying to make sense of it all, what made us get to where we are now and where it’s taking us. I regularly have to take some time off from it all just to detach, because if you are living in such crazy times being a sensitive and intelligent person who has no desire to be ignorant of the world’s problems can be rather exhausting. You have to get away from it all, chill the fuck out and have some fun, focus on your creative work and do all those things you enjoy. If you fail to do so you get sucked into this dark hole of the world’s drama and you take it on as your own before you even realise it.

I prefer to step back and just be an observer unless I can do something that is actually helpful and useful. The times of attaching to ideologies and taking on rigid belief systems are over; I now prefer not to have any belief system at all and be free from ideology. Instead I choose to look at the world with curiosity and an open mind, constantly questioning myself and updating the software of my own mind. The brain works like a computer after all. I ask myself often whether the knowledge I have is correct and valid, I throw out thoughts and beliefs that are flawed or nonsensical, I call myself out on my own bullshit. This means I often go through confusing times – in a healthy way.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and being aware of what’s going on in your brain is essential in times like these. Times when you don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. When there’s so much confusion in society, often by deliberate design. When it’s so easy, even for highly intelligent people, to be targets of psychological manipulation, mind control, social engineering and other invisible control mechanisms. It happens to the best of us, we all get deceived, brainwashed and manipulated, and only the best will actually see beyond that sooner or later and free themselves from it. It takes hard work and some rather unpleasant times unbrainwashing and unfucking yourself from the mindfuckery that despite your hardest efforts you haven’t been able to avoid.

There are many ways in which we are being manipulated into thinking in ways unhealthy for ourselves as individuals, our psychological and emotional wellbeing, as well as for society as a whole and its wellbeing. It seems that our minds are deliberately being destabilised, which then leads to a destabilisation of our entire being. If this is done to the masses it leads to the destabilisation of the entire society. This is where we’re at now.

One way in which this is done to us now on a daily basis is by brainwashing us into thinking in extremes. Well-balanced, grounded thinking is far from being encouraged. It would make us stable and healthy to think in such a way, and that’s neither profitable, nor does it provide precious life force energy to the parasites that want to feed off us. They need weak, unstable and sick individuals to feed off, just like such individuals are best to be exploited for money. They need society as a whole to be that way – just a few individuals don’t give them enough of what they want.

One of the most relevant examples of the ‘thinking in extremes’ brainwashing we see in our society now is the extreme left-right divide. On the far left we have a bunch of mentally unwell, always offended social justice warriors and third wave radical feminists being used to push harmful agendas that are completely irrational and nonsensical, policing everyone’s speech and even thoughts. A lot of people see how much of this is just sheer insanity and turn to those who oppose the far left – a group of people that is going more and more towards the extreme right or conservatism that makes them appear as if they’d gone back to the middle ages.

The two opponents are drifting further and further apart while going more and more into the extremes. There’s barely anyone in the so-called alternative media trying to find a healthy middle ground there, taking the good values from both the left and the right, getting rid of the bullshit and dangerous elements and forming healthy and grounded views based on that. Instead, most just take on a predetermined set of beliefs and ideologies. It’s more about fitting themselves into a box rather than thinking freely.

If you don’t give a fuck about politics and you neither want to be on the left nor on the right, there’s still the ‘truth movement’. “Everything is a conspiracy, absolutely everything coming from the mainstream media is a lie, we’re all doomed and we need to make fools out of ourselves to wake people up, regardless of the consequences or whether it even leads to any positive change at all.” If that still sounds too dramatic for you and you want to be completely detached from it all, any of this shit that’s going down in the world, you can still join the New Age movement and pretend you’re in Happy Larry Land where “it’s all an illusion”. Mad times we’re living in, I’ve told you this already and I’ll probably tell you again many times.

Extreme views and behaviours are constantly being pushed by the media. They may get some mild criticism by journalists but never the criticism they really deserve. Slowly and gradually, the abnormal and absurd is being normalised and if you have a problem with it they’ll throw all the ‘bad’ labels under the sun at you.

Yes, forcing children into gender stereotypes and shaming them when they refuse to squeeze themselves into those boxes is extreme. I barely come across any parent in real life that does such a thing anyway. Every single child I know is able to choose what colours they want to wear and what toys they want to play with, their gender has nothing to do with that. But hey, let’s just act like all this is still a massive issue and let’s take the most radical and extreme measures to tackle it. Let’s completely deny the existence of gender, and deprive our children from building a healthy gender identity by following the fad of ‘raising’ them ‘genderless’. Fuck finding a healthy middle ground. How all this affects those children psychologically doesn’t matter anyway, not to the extremist.

This is just one example of extremist views and behaviours being pushed by the media. There is much more.

Some children are confused and go through phases of acting like they want to be the opposite sex, we all know that. Shaming and condemning them for it is extreme, of course it is. They are children after all and it’s actually a very common thing in children. I hear about this all the time. Even if the parents are a bit worried, they usually leave them be, in most cases the child grows out of it eventually, it’s nothing more than a phase. But hey, just leaving your children be and hoping for the best rather than condemning and shaming them isn’t enough – you’ve got to take it to the other extreme these days and convince yourself and your children that they are transgender. You need to actively encourage them to identify with and feel like the opposite sex and behave like it too. Add puberty blockers and child transitioning to it and you’re sorted.

What all this is doing to your child’s psychological, emotional and physical wellbeing, again is irrelevant. As long as some individuals can virtue signal on the media about what grandiose parents they are for letting their child be who they are were moulded and shaped into, as narcissistic parents enjoy doing like nothing else, it’s all good. No mention that any of this is utterly insane, no question about the mental wellbeing or state of sanity of such parents. Are journalists really that stupid and ignorant or are they serving some sick agenda? A bit of both perhaps?

But it’s not just in the mainstream media and the far left where extreme ideas are being promoted. It’s done everywhere you look. How do conservatives tackle the issue of the family unit being increasingly destroyed and too many children growing up with single parents? Let’s just go back in time and pretend that they way things were back then were so great. Let’s all get married young again, reproduce as soon as we can and make sure we stay with our partner at all costs, regardless of whether we’re happy in the relationship or it’s making us miserable because we didn’t have a fucking clue about healthy relationships, our needs and preferences when we tied the knot at the age of 22. We didn’t even know ourselves, but waiting for a couple of years and get a bit of relationship experience wouldn’t have fit into our puritanical worldview. Physically abusing our children and calling it ‘parenting’ or ‘discipline’ can be the outlet for our frustrations that have accumulated as a result of sexual repression.

I’m not saying here that there’s anything wrong with getting married and having children at a young age but I see many in the conservative arena pushing idealistic views onto people without considering any implications or how we humans and our environments have changed now. One size fits all solutions have never made us fulfilled, they’ve only ever fit few people, the rest of them had to sacrifice parts of themselves in order to make them fit. They come from extremist mindsets after all.

We’re in the 21st century. Extreme views and ideologies may have served us in times when we’ve had to deal with more extreme situations than now. Times in which our survival was often threatened and life was a lot less comfortable than it is now. It was essential for our survival to conform and fit into groups and society as a whole. But those aren’t the times we are living in anymore. And we aren’t under immediate threat either, where extremist solutions may still be necessary to this day.

Now should be a time to get balanced and grounded in our thinking, look beyond black and white and see all those shades of grey and all those colours. Excessive and persistent black and white thinking is known to be a sign of mental illness after all. It’s a trait of many personality disorders – in addition to that it’s psychopaths, egomaniacs and children who think that way. It’s no surprise that it’s being encouraged so much considering that our world is run by such individuals – the diseased and psychopathic, the narcissistic and deluded, the infantile and immature. Of course it would be their aim to engineer an entire society to be like them, or even worse. They want us to be below them, because they’re incapable of rising above.

We all have our blind spots, our weaknesses and our areas in which we may think in a more extreme way. That’s just part of being human. I’m no perfectionist, I know very well how challenging it is to stay grounded and balanced all the time, or even just reach sufficient levels of that. But then, an inverted world like this one doesn’t make it particularly easy. It’s hard work and you need to be very aware of yourself. Self-awareness and the capacity to own your shit are the survival strategies of the 21st century, without them you’re going to be fucked.

Figuring out what I need to survive and thrive in times like these as well as implementing that is key for me now. In times of the internet we should have enough information available to find the right strategies and to research different sources that enable us to form a balanced view on things. But at the same time we are dealing with an overflow of information, which comes with an overflow of bullshit. Having discernment and a good bullshit detector is vital, you got to have the ability to filter out all the nonsense and identify what is potentially true. You never really know these days, so it’s essential to be both rational and intuitive when seeking out truths, just like it’s essential to be able to detect hidden intentions and agendas.

It’s funny how they encourage the masses to engage in black and white thinking wherever it’s possible, but when it comes to gender there’s apparently a spectrum and we repeatedly hear the phrase “it’s not all black and white”. It’s all inverted and twisted, I can tell you that. There seems to be no end to how absurd it all can get. If that one mindfuckery that is so commonly used doesn’t work in one area, let’s just go for the opposite and claim that it’s logical. Being able to spot such tactics and games that are being played is key. It gets fairly easy after a while.

Although it sounds a bit like doom and gloom looking at these absurdities, it’s nothing I want to allow to interfere with my emotional and mental state anymore. It can drag me down and disturb me at times, that’s just natural if you’re a person who cares, but I feel myself growing stronger and being able to detach from it all in a healthy way, without going into a state of ignorance and delusion. I got to take care of my inner world enough to avoid the craziness of the outer world affecting me too much in ways I don’t want it to affect me.

I see those extremist ideologies destroying themselves eventually. Anything that isn’t built on a stable foundation is doomed to collapse. I just hope they don’t destroy too many people along the way. It may be inevitable and how much destruction they will cause as they drive people into action is something I can’t predict.

I can only express myself, say what I have to say and enjoy the funny moments of those mad times. There’s much to laugh about when you look at it from a distance, many of the occurrences and dramas have great comedy factor. There’s much inspiration to be found in these times to get started with new creative endeavours. I just want to make the best of it that I can, find more ways to use these energies to my advantage and live my life in the most enjoyable way. After all it is a very exciting time to be alive.

LET GO… of pseudo spiritual smartarses

“You need to let go of the past.” – Something I’ve been told many times by pseudo spiritual smartarses who obviously knew me better than I did after talking to me only once or twice. By ‘talking to me’ I’m referring to listening to my problems I told them as I made the mistake of being too open to them, twisting them around in their heads and basically telling me that I’m insane but not directly, it was nicely wrapped and sugarcoated and sounded like something along the lines of “you are such a lightful soul but you need to let go of the past.”

Other times it would sound more like “I sense a heavy dark energy in you and it makes me feel unwell”, indicating that I should of course feel sorry for that fragile over-sensitive poor thing that feels so burdened by my presence alone and is now on the verge of having a breakdown. Being made to feel guilty for my mere existence was nothing new to me and these individuals would take it onto a whole new level.

But I’m not writing this to make myself look like a victim. I am not the victim, I have found my way out of this and now I am so much wiser and as a bonus I have got lots and lots to write about. All those crazy, weird, fucked up, mad and at times hilarious experiences I’ve had in the spiritual community, they are worth putting on paper – or virtual paper. They are gold. Shit to be turned into gold, as I’d put it. And I know that people can relate to this, I know they do. So many have gone through similar stuff, the ones who didn’t get stuck in the cult, the ones whose allergic reactions to bullshit have reached an acute state to the point where they had to remove themselves and recover from it all.

So, back to the topic of ‘letting go of the past’. It’s such a ludicrous and insensitive and totally inappropriate thing one person could say to another. That’s not because releasing ourselves from the burdens of the past isn’t a vital thing to do that allows us to heal, feel lighter and more empowered in ourselves – nor is it because I personally have become allergic to the term ‘letting go’ by now. It’s because it’s such an oversimplified way of putting it, oversimplified in the same way as complex scientific knowledge gets oversimplified so that it can be taught to children in school.

You’re not smart enough to get it, so let me put it into overly simple terms for you so that you – being the unenlightened unspiritual idiot you are – will understand it too!

Pseudo spiritual smartarses see you as a child and treat you like one. If gives them a sense of superiority over you which is exactly what they want, they want to have authority over you. They want you to feel like a child so you submit to them. It’s not only ‘spiritual’ healers and coaches who operate that way – you find plenty of therapists who seem to be in their profession more so because it makes them feel better about themselves being able to point out to others how messed up they are, rather than actually helping, encouraging and empowering people.

I have seen and experienced it so much and it has taught me many lessons, the most important one being that I am my own authority. And I should never give it to anyone else. Yes, some people know more about certain subjects than I do, they are more knowledgeable in certain fields and I respect that. But they don’t know ME better than I do, that’s for sure.

No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one knows better than you what works for you and what doesn’t, and if you feel that it isn’t that way then I strongly advise you to go and study yourself in depth. If you don’t know yourself others will claim they do and manipulate you into believing them before they walk all over you and suck you dry of your vital energy.

In pseudo spiritual arenas, where everyone claims to possess psychic abilities and see right through you, and those who are drawn to such individuals having a poor sense of self, poor boundaries, a tendency to deceive themselves and hence a tendency to be easily deceived, such manipulation and energy harvest occurs very commonly. The people seeking help from such individuals may have been disappointed by conventional treatment such as medication and counselling, as it didn’t get to the root of the problem, and are now looking for alternative treatment. They are open and perhaps too easily impressed, or they just want to relieve their suffering so badly that they’d do anything for it.

Such people are to be taken advantage of pretty easily, and there are plenty of indecent people who jump at the opportunity of doing so, whether they do it consciously or not. But it doesn’t matter if it’s done consciously or not, it does harm to people seeking help and it makes them worse rather than better. Such deceptive individuals will pick their psyches apart and dump a load of superficial nonsensical profound sounding crap onto them, make them distrust themselves and their senses even more to the point they willingly give all their power away to their ‘guru’.

Whether the ‘guru’ is qualified to help that person or not doesn’t matter. Why would it matter if you lead someone with severe psychological issues into full on psychosis or a complete breakdown with the risk of having them commit suicide, as long as you can cash in on them and get a nice little ego trip feeding them lies and bullshit to the point where they nearly overflow and tell them it’s their ‘unresolved issues from the past’?

No, it doesn’t matter to them because they either are psychopaths or narcissists, or they have so much of their own unresolved material in the way that they are repressing by all means and as a result have little or no compassion for other people and their suffering. And no, just because they call themselves an ‘empath’ doesn’t mean that they are good hearted people who understand and respect your inner space. It’s easy to pretend to feel empathy and compassion for another person, very easy, especially for those who are trained in it.

You invite those people into the sacred space of your inner world because you want them to help you. If you imagine your inner world to be a garden, these ‘gurus’ will step into it and walk all over your beautiful plants, rip out your flowers, cut down your trees, pour poison all over your lawn and then claimed that they’ve helped you to make your garden grow better and that you owe them half a month’s salary for that.

I’ve come to question everything I’d had preached to me by pseudo spiritual and pseudo scientific smartarses and I’ve come to realise that in order to truly heal I’d have to go against most of this, pick everything apart that I’ve absorbed, throw most of it out and evaluate those oversimplified concepts for myself.

They preach openness to the whole world – but if you’re too open and let those disease infested soulless parasites in they’ll destroy you, so it’s best to firmly shut your doors, gates and barriers to those types and lock them so they’ll never get in. They are poison spreading more poison. Don’t be deceived by their terrifyingly calm and empathic sounding voice or their dreamy blue eyes staring at you creepily whilst they are passive aggressively telling you that you are a total mess simply for being human and that only they and their ‘magic cure’ aka ineffective dependency causing quick fix will sort you out.

Whenever they told me to “let go of the past” I asked them how you do that. It’s not like you just wake up in the morning and think “oh, my past is getting too heavy on me, I’m gonna let it go” and then you see your past flowing off like a river, never to return, and feel free and light as a result and can now finally live a blissful and happy life. No it’s not like that, even though they want to make it sound like it. So when I asked them how to do it, how to ‘let go of the past’, some would refer me to their ‘method’, the one and only cure. Others wouldn’t say anything at all. I guess it was just fun to point out how much I needed to fix myself and getting me into a state of confusion while watching me get more and more anxious around them.

Dealing with the burdens of the past is a process that takes a long time. For some it takes longer than for others. There are many ways to process unresolved past experiences. Writing the experiences down, talking to a trusted person about them, expressing them creatively, using physical exercise to release stored emotions, working with a sincere, good hearted and well qualified professional… the list goes on. We need to find out for ourselves what helps us.

But one thing is for sure, don’t allow pseudo spiritual smartarses to ‘work’ on you – they won’t help you, they’ll make you worse. They encourage you to repress your emotions and detach from your past experiences, escape rather than face yourself. It all works the same way as taking a drug, and we all know that drugs don’t make you heal your trauma. Addiction to pseudo spiritual quick fixes can be difficult to ‘diagnose’ because you are not addicted to a physical substance. But the impacts on your health are the same, not just mentally and emotionally. Repressed emotions affect your physical body and make it weak and ill.

Emotions are part of being a healthy human being. If you feel emotions, even if they are intense, horrible and uncomfortable, you are healthier than those who don’t feel any. Whether it’s anger, grief, despair or something more comfortable like joy and happiness – emotions are there to be expressed and experienced fully. They make us alive. Anyone who tells you to avoid, repress, control or detach from your emotions is full of shit. When you allow your emotions to arise and learn to be present with them, they no longer cause you to suffer in the way they did when you tried to avoid them. They make the human experience real. They make you realise how unique every moment is. They make it all worthwhile.

All that takes practice, there’s no quick fix for it. And that’s fine. Nature doesn’t do quick fixes, it’s all about being patient and letting the process unfold, taking one step at a time. The step away from spiritual smartarses is the first step to take, everything else will fall into its place if you really want it to.

Being a complex woman (or man)

You know who you are and that you’re not of this world. They told you something was wrong with you but you didn’t give up on yourself. Anything that you did despite it not feeling right has led you to feeling terribly unfulfilled. Any time you gave in, you let your head lead rather than your heart, you got miserable. You had to learn to play by your own rules even if the whole world didn’t understand that, you had to go after what felt right to you even if it was something way beyond the social norm.

You wanted to be loved deeply the way you are but you’ve come to realise, it’s so rare to find that. You are so persistent on getting what you want, you couldn’t choose any other way. It leads to disappointments, puts you down that dark path again to face a few more of your demons, you can’t stand that stuff inside you anymore so the only way to free yourself from it is to face it. You’ve done it so many times before and you’ll do it again.

You’re intelligent, a complex thinker, how could anyone understand your thought processes and how they are created. It’s frustrating. You want to be understood so badly but at the same time you don’t want to give a shit, you just want to be free of any concerns of how other people see you and yet you overthink how other people will see you, you can’t get those thoughts out of your head.

You want to help others but just how they don’t understand your world you don’t understand theirs, you’re in a world of your own, one that you have put so much hard work into creating and making beautiful, in a harsh and cold world like this one where you just don’t fit in at all, that’s the only way to go. If you don’t fit into this world you have to create a world that fits for you regardless of what anyone thinks about that, even if they try to hold you back. You have to be persistent.

Your world falls apart just so you can create a new one, you know it’s an opportunity, you’ve given up explaining yourself to anyone. You have no choice but be that strong individual you were born to be. You always get pulled back onto that one path that is right for you. You’ve gone through so much pain and you’ve come to resent this world, yet you have this desire to serve it. You are so committed to serve the world that you have to be selfish in order to protect yourself and not overdo it. You wish to help everyone, even those who don’t want it and it leaves you wondering how anyone could willingly choose not to unfold their greatest potential and choose full aliveness.

No one can lock you into a cage, certainly not after you’ve been through all those efforts of freeing yourself from all the cages you had built in your mind. Truth is your first priority and so is freedom. You want love and you want freedom, they say you can’t have both but is it true? You don’t accept their version of the truth, you question it and take it apart until there’s nothing left because it’s all been a comfortable deception, one that has served us so well as a plaster to stick on our wounds so that we’d never have to delve into them and face the pain.

That path of the fearless ones that you came here to walk. You know where you find the gold and there’s nothing that will stop you from finding it. They said they wouldn’t let you down and they meant it, but it got to the point where you drove them to their limits, to a depth that they didn’t want to go into. The deep sea wasn’t for them. You became a threat and so did they, you didn’t want to give in this time, you had to be consistent and persistent, you didn’t want to betray yourself again.

The world is tragic, that’s the nature of it. You dive back into the deep sea, this time even deeper. “Burn everything, leave it in the past. Let the waves take you away to where you belong” – as I wrote in a song years ago. The song was more meaningful than I realised back then. The song was called ‘Underwater Clouds’.

Dive in the water and swim away

The world is made of clouds in the deep sea

You can’t understand why I’m going there

But you will see

I created something special

The clouds are part of me

 Burn everything, leave it in the past

Let the waves take you away to where you belong

Let the rivers flow and free your mind

Underwater clouds

Give you a sign

 I sang this song on a big stage in London, it was a magical night, I would have never thought I’d be doing this. I knew, my dreams would always come true if I remained persistent.

As a complex person you follow your dreams, you may lose touch to reality at times but something always pulls you back to the ground, even if that makes you fall hard and it’s painful. You can’t do any different. You don’t do normal and you don’t do ordinary. You don’t do boring and you don’t do restrictive.

Been dragged through the shit and it’s made you feel alive, it’s made you real. You don’t do fake and you don’t do comfortable lies. You do courage and adventure. You do freedom and true love. At the same time, with no restrictions. You do the hard work and the deepest form of joy. You do realistic and imaginative at the same time. In fact, you do so much at the same time. You are so much at the same time. You’re not only black and white, you’re all shades of grey and all colours.

It was beautiful when I went on Facebook this morning and the first thing I saw was this status by my friend Thabit. It sums it all up so perfectly.

“I am beautifully complex with many ways of expressing myself. There’s my mindful grounded introverted part, my playful spontaneous goofy part, my energetic angry honest part, my lying deceiving manipulating egoic part, my compassionate giving altruistic part, my cold insensitive brutal part and last not least my masculine macho beast mode part! Know and embrace your unique parts and love them all unconditionally, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.”

And for a moment you feel understood, you read the words of someone as free spirited and soulful as you are and it connects you, you know that you’re never alone. You came here to create extraordinary magical things, it’s in your nature. So let your beautiful soul shine bright in which ever way works for you. Set yourself on fire and let your creativity flow.

Turn everything into art, into gold, alchemise, make love where there was none and liberate your soul. And be persistent.


blackout bw

Down the rabbit hole and back: How I escaped the cult of ‘trutherism’

Last week I wrote a blog post on how I distanced myself from the spiritual community. This week I want to tell you about how I did the same with the ‘truther community’ or ‘truth movement’. Those movements and the spiritual community are often linked and both are equally cult-like, it just plays out in different ways.

I never really saw myself as part of the ‘truth movement’ or referred to myself as a ‘truther’. I’ve always been resistant to seeing myself as part of a group or movement or follow any kind of hype. Yet I got sucked into it somehow without even noticing and I got affected by it more than I ever intended to.

It all started back in 2009 when I watched the Zeitgeist movie, which has led me to watch other documentaries on Youtube. I had always felt like something was deeply wrong with the world and the way some things are running here, it was all upside down and inverted but I couldn’t explain why. Those documentaries made a lot of sense to me and I can’t deny to this day that some of those were really good documentaries, they are just not designed for people who have aren’t able to look at information with discernment.

I went through a short phase of really being into that stuff but I wasn’t heavily involved. It was in 2013 when I got into it more and went deeper down into the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories. I was dealing with other addictions at the time, ‘researching’ conspiracies were just another addiction that got added to that. I got really into it, it was like the whole world made sense to me and I was one of the few people in the world who could really understand what was going on while most people were completely oblivious to it. Not only was that fascinating, it was also feeding my ego big time.

I had a big ego at the time, I have to admit that, although I wasn’t displaying it publically much. I was way too afraid to talk about any of that conspiracy stuff in public because I didn’t want anyone to think I was a nutter. I’m fucking glad I had that fear because thinking about some of stuff I was buying into back then, I would have really taken the piss out of myself. In the truth movement you are told you need to ‘wake people up’ no matter what but I wasn’t really into that. Trying to convert people to something was never my cup of tea, I sensed that it wasn’t an empowering thing to do and so I refrained from that for most of the time.

My big ego had formed as a result of a traumatic life, involving much physical trauma that had led me to be an ‘ungrounded’ adult due to the brain damage it had caused. Being in ‘fight or flight’ mode so much as a child I had become an adult who was constantly in that state that is also referred to as ‘survival mode’. I was anxious, paranoid and fear-driven. I had switched off my empathy and sensitivity to a large extent (and along with that my intuition) which was devastating for me because I’m naturally a sensitive and empathic person. My view on reality was one-sided, it was like I wasn’t capable of looking at something from different angles. I was a black and white thinker.

All that made me an easy target for the fear-mongering, ego-feeding and addictive bullshit that was floating about in the truth movement. I didn’t have the discernment at the time, although I thought I did. I thought I was more ‘awake’ than everyone else because I didn’t trust the mainstream media, yet when it came to the information that was presented by the truth movement I didn’t apply the rule of ‘question everything’ in the same way.

For a while I distrusted anything coming from mainstream sources. It wasn’t that I blindly trusted anything coming from the truth movement, but I did have this idea in my head that the MSM was bad and the truth movement was good. It was the classic ‘good cop bad cop’ way of thinking that is just so common in ego driven people. My mind was full of dogmatic beliefs and so I had built my own mental prison, the exact prison hard core truthers tell others to get out of.

I saw the world through the lens of ‘trutherism’. I had taken on the one-sided and ungrounded word view that was presented by the truth movement as my own. I was stuck deep down in the rabbit hole, a narrow, dark and lonely place. The people I met deep down in that place were just as mentally ill as I was and I couldn’t truly connect with them in the way I would have liked to.

I ‘woke up’ to the truth movement when I began doing my inner work. I went on a path of facing my shadows and healing trauma. It was a hell of a difficult thing to do for me, it really was. But I was committed to finding the truth after all and I realised that the truth movement wasn’t where I was going to find it. I had to do exactly that what some of the ‘truth gurus’ were preaching, I had to look within and step into my power. The difference between me and those truth gurus was that I was actually doing it – not just talking about it to get money, attention and fame.

Going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories is easy, any stupid and arrogant idiot can do that. But going within and facing the depths and the darkest corners of your own psyche, that’s something else. It’s not for the faint-hearted and it’s not for the idiots.

I didn’t want to be an idiot. I wanted to liberate myself.

The more I was exploring my own psyche the more I gained a deep understanding of the world, an understanding that came from within rather than from outside sources. While I was doing that I was led to new outside sources who were more grounded, discerning and in touch with reality. I came across individuals who called out the bullshit on the truth movement and I could see where they were coming from. I always had a strong intuition after all and now that I had ‘switched myself back on’ I was finally able to make use of that.

I came across people who were like me – individuals who would make themselves part of any group – and I was reminded to step into my power and be the strong individual I am, think for myself and speak my own truth, not someone else’s.

I created boundaries – something I had never heard of before. I had to pay the price of letting my fragile little ego crumble to receive the gift that came with building a strong sense of self instead. I had to learn to feed my soul rather than my ego, to talk about things that are empowering rather than draining. That didn’t mean that I had to shut up about the negative things happening in the world, I just had to communicate them in a way that felt empowering to me. I’m not the kind of person who would want to avoid the negative, I enjoy calling things out.

Trying to ‘wake people up’, however, to persuade them that I was right and they were wrong, to make them see something they didn’t want to see, it was all draining and disempowering. I didn’t want to take part in that. I didn’t want to preach to people something I had heard off someone else, I wasn’t into that. I just wanted to express myself from my inner space. And so I did.

I distanced myself from the toxic crowd and their one-sided misinformed opinions. I accepted the fact that the mainstream media isn’t 100% lies and bullshit. It all was up to me being able to pick out the truths. I learnt to be very discerning and use my bullshit detector effectively when taking in any kind of information from any source. Now I put everything through my own filter and I’m proud of having the ability to sense whether something is true or bullshit. I can never be sure, but I trust my intuition.

I began to form my own world view based on my own understanding of the world that I had gained through experience, observation and research. I came to understand that I couldn’t force my world view upon anyone because everyone has a different world view that is entirely unique.

To speak your own truth and say things that are empowering means that you will reach the right people. You don’t have to force anything, it just happens. When you speak your own truth you have no desire to force it upon anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to blindly believe everything I say and take on my views and opinions without question.

  • ••

The reason why I am writing this post is because it has become clear to me yesterday after the terror attack in Manchester that it’s necessary for me to put my story on this out there. I got myself into some social media battles with people from the truth movement and I had a terribly draining day doing so. I regretted posting my Facebook statuses on the event for some moments, as I was sad about what had happened and I really couldn’t be bothered to deal with people’s insensitive ego-driven comments. I don’t regret it anymore now, I have taken some shit but writing this blog post is my way of turning that shit into gold.

I have stopped looking into the conspiracy theories behind terror attacks a while ago because it doesn’t interest me anymore. I realise that there is always a bigger picture and things going on behind the scenes that we know nothing about, but the truth is, we’ll probably never know.

From my own experience I can tell that those who jump to conclusions right away after such an event and are posting this on social media are doing this to feed their own egos. They want to show everyone that they know better, that they are the first ones who know ‘what’s really going on’, that they are superior over those who are grieving over the lost lives of innocent people. This is extremely pathetic, disrespectful and disgusting.

Some of the things I have seen on mine and other peoples’ Facebook pages yesterday was simply outrageous. The lack of empathy and the sheer coldheartedness made me feel sick. As someone who has an understanding of how the ‘truther virus’ affects peoples’ minds and souls I feel the urge to shed light on this.

  • ••

Having distanced myself from the truther community doesn’t mean I’ve gone back to blindly believing the mainstream media and thinking that conspiracies don’t exist. Not at all.

I have been at both extremes – blindly believing the MSM without question and being infected by the truther virus to an extent. Now I’ve come back to centre, I’ve got my feet on the ground. I’m able to look at things from different angles and perspectives. I’m very discerning and I’m able to admit when I know fuck all about something. I only jump to conclusions when I’m certain about something and that certainty comes from within myself, not anyone out there.

I’m still forming and shaping my view of the world. There are many things I want to explore in time, many views I want to share with the world. I’m proud of my transformation and the hard work I have done to get where I am now.

When I refer to ‘truthers’ or the ‘truth movement’ I’m talking about those who have been infected by that mind virus I am describing in this article, not those who are seeking truth from a healthy and grounded mindset. I’m not talking about those who investigate things for themselves using logic and reason, sharing with others what’s going on behind the scenes without shoving their opinions down anyone’s throat. I’m very glad these sane people exist and are doing their jobs.

The ones I’m calling out are those who are part of the cult the truth movement has become. I don’t tolerate cult-like behaviour and thinking, I will always call that out.

My story is unique, I’m happy I have learnt so much after all. Some people in the truth movement may be like me, people who are trapped in something they don’t actually want to be in because of the way their brains are wired as a result of trauma. I trust that those people will find their way out eventually. Others, however, are so pathologically insane, the will never be able to get rid of the virus, not that they would recognise it anyway. One has to be careful within any movement driven by unresolved material (which are essentially cults) because they are all infiltrated with those types who turn well-meaning people into idiotic copies of them.

Perhaps this article will help one or the other person to find their way out of the cult or at least question themselves. That’s what I hope, anyway. I hate to see vulnerable people falling into traps like that.

The rabbit hole may be exciting for a while but it’s a miserable place after all. I’m glad to see the sun again.

I said ‘goodbye’ to the spiritual community

Some time ago I have cut all ties from the spiritual community. Indeed it felt like I was tied to it, at times I realised that it was all slightly cultish. Although I’m not the kind of person who would get heavily involved in cults because I’ve got a too strong bullshit detector to get stuck in such a thing, I did feel that I had been drawn into something toxic that I needed to get out of and doing so wasn’t particularly easy.

It took me a while to fully realise why it all had become so toxic, to identify what those feelings of ‘something being off’ were related to in my actual experience. When I did it became clear that being part of the spiritual community was holding me back from awakening spiritually more than it encouraged me. It was a trap I had fallen into.

The process of getting out this toxic sea, of saving myself from drowning in there and swim back to the land where I could feel my feet on the ground again, it’s been a painful but liberating one. Anything liberating comes with pain, that’s just what it is. It involved cutting people out of my life, throwing toxic ideas out of my mind and walking the often very lonely path of the individual.

What I had to realise was that the spiritual path is a lonely one indeed, you don’t walk it together with a group of people. When I talk about the ‘spiritual path’ I simply refer to the path of awakening spiritually – awakening to your true nature. It’s as much of a human path as it is a spiritual path, it’s about the embodiment of the soul in this human world. You’re this spiritual being having a human experience, you’re here to integrate parts of this spiritual being so that your human experience becomes more authentic and aligned with who you truly are and what you’re here to do. You step into the role of the individual that you are because that’s basically the whole point of the human experience, having a unique individual experience and a sense of self that is separate from everyone else’s experience and sense of self.

Rather than being encouraged to be the unique individual I truly am, I have found myself being part of a hive mind in the spiritual community. And I wasn’t even involved with the proper insane deluded New Agers that live in a constant fake positive bubble of avoidance and ignorance. I was around people who largely understood that the New Age was full of shit but who were still driven by dogmatic beliefs and ideology detached from reality, or were simply inauthentic ego-driven people that couldn’t be trusted. I’ve met plenty of them and I became one of them too for a while as I was constantly surrounded by them. I just couldn’t take it for too long, the facade crumbled and I distanced myself from all the toxic crap.

I had got into the spiritual community because I was looking for meaning and depth, something more to life, I wanted to have conversations that I couldn’t have with the average person out there. Towards the end it became clear that meaning and depth wasn’t to be found anywhere out there, it was all within me – and I don’t want to oversimplify that, I’ve had to do a lot of dirty work to find that meaning and depth inside me. Don’t you think that I’d just tell you that ‘it’s all within’ without mentioning that when you look within you don’t just find the amazing and pretty stuff but also a hell of a lot of horribly nasty shit. Fuck me, it’s been a deeply painful process to face my inner reality. And it’s an on-going process.

This deep pain and suffering of facing your inner world is being either downplayed or denied in most of the spiritual community. We’re being told that awakening is exciting, wonderful and beautiful – and I’m not saying that it can’t be at times, sometimes you have a breakthrough and that’s amazing – but generally I have found it to be a terribly confusing, destructive, painful and sometimes outright horrendous experience to go through. And in so many of those moments I was completely alone. What appeared to be a connection with like-minded people in the spiritual community was nothing I could count on in those times. More like the opposite. No empathy, love or any of that stuff they preached.

Just like the nature of the inner darkness is being downplayed or denied by the spiritual community, the same is done with the uncomfortable, horrible and destructive nature of the outer reality, the planet or realm we inhabit. Too many of those people will only look at the world from a one-sided spiritual perspective rather than a more grounded human perspective. A spiritual perspective on the world is a very useful one but not if it’s one that is detached from what is happening right here right now.

One good example of that I mentioned in my previous post on narcissists, how the spiritual community refers to pathologically insane individuals as ‘lost souls’ – a nice, fluffy and empathy inducing term to describe a dangerous and destructive monster in a human body. A monster that needs to be starved, not fed with precious emotional energy in the form of empathy or love. The feeding of monsters is not a rare occurrence in the spiritual community though. People are often lured into the trap of feeding the very parasitic entities they attempt to free themselves from.

Viewing the world through rose tinted glasses is such a common theme in the spiritual community, even amongst those who aren’t deeply trapped inside a New Age cult. Love, empathy, compassion and forgiveness are preached like there’s no tomorrow, but the dark side of these principles is pretty much denied, just like the dark side of most things in this reality is generally denied.

I’m not denying that the world is a magical and beautiful place full of wonder and sometimes even miracles – it is. I get reminded of this on a daily basis when I experience a synchronicity, when I listen to a beautiful song that goes straight into my heart or when I connect with someone on a deeper level of the soul. I live my life pretty much intuitively and that’s what makes in a rather fascinating experience.

But I won’t deny that this world is also a terribly dark and fucked up place. It’s a battlefield full of trauma, pain and suffering which is part of this nature and will never be eliminated. This world is fundamentally predatory after all. No one is coming to save us from that, nothing is going to bring all of that to an end. You can only deal with what is within yourself and most people in this world simply don’t have the will do to that, it’s way too terrifying for them to go onto a journey of making the unconscious conscious. And you can do fuck all about that, you can’t force anyone to face their shit.

You just got to do your thing in this world, be real and show that to the world so others may be inspired. If they’re not inspired by who you are, they are probably offended by it. It shows them everything they are not – the truth ain’t pretty.

People in the spiritual community have been offended by me and my work, both on the internet and in real life. As I have grown stronger I have shown them things they don’t have, not because they don’t actually exist in them but because they choose to deny or repress them in order to fit into the spiritual box – boundaries, a strong sense of self, creativity and realness coming from a place of courage and fearlessness towards facing my shadow. A strong and deep connection with my inner world including its darkest corners.

When being involved with groups, not just spiritual but any kinds of groups, one has to be careful of not disregarding ones own boundaries, individual sense of self and authenticity. I’m generally not a group person and nothing has reminded me of that more than the spiritual groups I got involved with.

I needed that lesson though, I needed to be reminded of who I am and that I shouldn’t take on sets of beliefs from others, that it’s better to be true to yourself and alone than giving yourself up to fit into a group. I’ve learnt that a lot of those seemingly ‘deep’ people are actually rather superficial, preaching superficial pseudo-spiritual concepts pretending to be deep and profound. All big ego but no real depth. The empathy, love and compassion they preach has no substance and doesn’t involve healthy boundaries. I had to turn away from that.

I had to create stronger boundaries, I had to stop being too open with people I didn’t trust. I had to stop judging people based on how ‘spiritual’ they appeared on the surface and judge them based on whether they are a decent human being or not.

I had to say ‘goodbye’ to the spiritual community but that doesn’t mean I have said ‘goodbye’ to spirituality. Not at all. It just means I won’t cling to a group that is toxic for me in order to avoid the utter discomfort and loneliness that is an inevitable part of the journey of awakening spiritually.

The spiritual path is a personal, intimate and individual experience you have with yourself. And I have chosen to have this experience and only this one, not what someone else defines to be my spiritual path.

I now some real connections with other individuals who value me the way I am, there’s nothing I have to change about myself to get their genuine support. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel lonely or uncomfortable… but it’s easier now. I’m in tune with myself and so I’m able to open up to the right people only – because being in tune with myself and my intuition gives me a great sense of who these right people are. There aren’t many but those you find… they are pure gold.

The pathological narcissist – deception vs. reality – what you really need to know about a serious issue that is taken way too lightly

Narcissism* seems to be a widely discussed topic these days. Both in the mainstream and on alternative platforms the term ‘narcissism’ is frequently mentioned and talked about. Our society is becoming increasingly narcissistic in the sense that narcissistic traits are being encouraged and engineered in people – traits such as attention and validation seeking, being disconnected from ones own psyche, instant gratification, projecting one’s personal issues onto certain groups of people in society, blaming and shaming, distorting reality, etc. Just to name a few.

It needs to be talked about, that’s for sure. We need to talk about the problems before we can find solutions. Narcissistic behaviour is certainly becoming more of a problem in our society and it needs to be called out in a constructive manner. The issue I have, however, is that there is so much focus on narcissistic traits in the whole of society while very little attention is given to the real issue that pathological narcissism is, the threat that individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) impose on us – something very different to what the media portrays as ‘narcissism’, something far more serious and dangerous.

Every person has narcissistic traits to some extent, that’s healthy and natural and can be beneficial if you ‘own’ them and don’t use them to harm others but to do good. But that doesn’t mean everyone who has narcissistic traits is a narcissist. If you are dealing with someone with NPD you are dealing with far more than just an attention-seeking arrogant twat who thinks they are superior to everyone else. You are dealing with a predator who will destroy you psychologically and in many cases also physically and sexually.

Pathological narcissists are very abusive and destructive. They destroy the lives and psyches of those who live closely with them, in particular their children and spouses. They would do anything to get their narcissistic supply, which is basically the life force energy (or emotional energy) of another person. Nothing is too fucked up and horrible for them, since they have no empathy, guilt and remorse. If getting their narcissistic supply means to sexually abuse a child, they will do it. If it means to physically attack their partner and threaten to do more harm to them if they spoke out about it, they will do it. If it means to ruthlessly lie and deceive their families, have double lives that they keep secret and make everyone feel as if they are totally insane for questioning them and getting outraged about their behaviour, they will do it. The list of horrible things they would do to people, it goes on forever.

I see much talk out there by people who have been cheated on by their exes or have been disrespected in any way, labelling their exes ‘narcissists’ or ‘sociopaths’. It has become very common. But that doesn’t mean that their exes actually have NPD or anything along the lines. We’ve got to be careful when using these terms. Abusive and destructive relationships can happen with people who don’t have NPD. There are many troubled and messed up people out there, many who have never learnt how to respect others and how to have healthy relationships. There are many ego driven people out there, we live in a society where such behaviour is heavily promoted after all. It’s concerning, but we need to draw the line. The way a narcissist destroys you is something beyond the average ‘unhappy and problematic’ relationship.

It’s not just in the mainstream where the label ‘narcissism’ is misused. One group that heavily misuses it is the New Age/spiritual community. The misuse of this label in the New Age movement is particularly concerning, as actual survivors of narcissistic abuse frequently turn to such spiritual groups with the intent of healing themselves. In many cases this attempt to heal trauma turns out to be a method of escapism, which can be very dangerous for the survivor of any kind of abuse.

In many spiritual communities they have been sold a similarly watered down and seemingly harmless version of the narcissist that is now popular in the mainstream and makes people take this issue very lightly– that a narcissist is just someone who needs a lot of validation and is a bit manipulative and arrogant, but hey, it’s no big deal. In the New Age community they’ll tell you stuff like “narcissists just need love” and “narcissists are just lost souls who need healing” without having a clue what they are even on about.

Those who need healing tend to use avoidance as an unhealthy coping mechanism. The New Age and the avoidant escapist nonsense it sells to vulnerable people offers them exactly that. It keeps people on the surface of their issues, avoidant of the real dark stuff they need to face in order to heal. It gives them a false sense of salvation, selling them the illusion that any problem can be solved with ‘love and light’, leading to a further destruction of their already weakened personal boundaries. “Be grateful for all your experiences” and “just send love to those who harm you” are some more wishy washy set phrases placed into the minds of these people, along with the preaching of forgiveness, empathy and compassion for everyone.

People who get out of relationships with a pathological narcissist will never say stuff like “I’m grateful for this experience, it has taught me so much and made me grow”, at least not without mentioning just how much it has drained and destroyed them, how they felt like their souls were completely crushed, that they were a mental and emotional wreck for years and that it took them much hard work to recover from it. Although the experience can lead to much empowerment and growth once you’ve recovered and healed from the trauma, yet no one who has been there would come with such whacky New Age phrases without substance. If they do tell you stuff like that they either haven’t been with a narcissist or they are in complete denial, which is sometimes a ‘coping mechanism’ for people who have experienced heavy trauma and don’t want to face it. It’s not a healthy coping mechanism at all and nothing to be encouraged.

If you think that anything you got off the narcissist was ‘love’ or that anything you felt in them was a ‘soul’ then the person you are dealing with is either not a narcissist or you have fallen for their bullshit. The concept of love has absolutely no space when it comes to dealing with a narcissist. This is something that’s hard to take in for some but it is not possible for them to truly love you. Anything they do is to feed their own ego. ANYTHING. Whether they give you a gift, help you or tell you they love you and care about you, it’s never about you. They only do it because it feeds their ego in some way. They are so ego driven, there is no heart and soul. There is no depth, no natural human emotion.

There is no cure for them – giving them love, empathy and compassion is a waste. The narcissist is neither capable of giving nor of receiving love, they only feed off it, which is not the same as receiving and feeling love from another person in the way a sane person experiences it. If you give love to a sane person, that person will receive and feel that love and that makes you feel good in return, you don’t feel like you ‘lost’ anything. The narcissist can only drain your love and your life force energy out of you, they feed off your emotional energy and leave you feeling drained.

The romantic relationship with the narcissist is like an addiction. The narcissist has spotted your unconscious unfulfilled needs and will pretend to fulfil them for you in a way no one and nothing has before. You become easily addicted to that, believing what this person is giving you is love, when it’s in fact just a dopamine rush that wears off soon and leaves you desperate for more. This is just like a drug addiction with the narcissist being your dealer and you give them their narcissistic supply in return. Just like it’s the drug addict and not the dealer that gets destroyed by the drug, the one who gets destroyed in that relationship not the narcissist – it’s you.

I would only ever tell people who are being targeted by these types to completely switch off their emotions towards the narcissist – any kind of emotion – to stop giving them their narcissistic supply. And I would tell anyone to cut the contact if that’s possible. The best way to deal with them is not to deal with them at all.

Cutting a seemingly close person out of your life certainly isn’t easy, even in the case of that person being horrible and abusive. For some people it takes much time to take that step, but I can only say: The sooner the better. Narcissists target people who are very loving, caring, kind and empathic, people who just want peace with others and wouldn’t want to hurt another human being, people who are very concerned about the wellbeing of others but have poor boundaries. If you are that kind of person you wouldn’t normally cut someone out of your life just like that. A sane person that is close to you would be very hurt if you just cut the contact, so it’s not something you would do to them.

Narcissists, however, don’t get hurt if you do that like a ‘normal’ person would get hurt for losing a valuable person in their life. They don’t feel such emotions. The narcissist surely will be pissed off if you cut them off, but it’s not because they’re hurt because they’ve lost you as a person in their lives – it’s because they lost a source for narcissistic supply and can’t feed off you anymore. They don’t give a fuck about you as a human being, a partner, a child, a friend or family member – all you ever were to them was a ‘food source’, the food being your life force energy. Cutting them off is your ultimate win against the narcissist. Nothing else is as effective.

Even if you choose to empower yourself and keep the narcissist at a distance, they will try and bring you down even more because they hate when people see through their bullshit and step into their personal power. In some cases, unfortunately, cutting off the narcissist isn’t possible, like when you have children with them. In that case you can only keep them at a distance whilst being completely cold towards them.

I understand that for warm-hearted, empathic people it can be difficult to just be cold towards another person, but it is an essential tool to protect yourself from narcissists and anyone who tries to feed off you. You shouldn’t give them anything to feed on. They may attempt to trigger you in some way to cause an emotional reaction and it takes practice learning to brush it off and just approach them coldly. Once you are mastering this, you are capable of something very useful, something you need very much as an empathic person in a world like this one. It’s a weapon, a useful tool you can get out of the toolbox whenever you are dealing with narcissistic, energy-draining types.

Those ‘spiritual’ people who talk about having dealt with narcissists when they haven’t need to stop giving people who are targets for narcissistic abuse false hopes that the narcissist will heal at some point and that giving them love will help them in any way or from. It’s extremely disempowering to the victim and it makes them more of a target. It throws them off the true path of healing, it distracts them from the real work they need to do, the work that involves facing uncomfortable truths and repressed emotions.

It’s no coincidence that the New Age/spiritual community is infiltrated by narcissists who preach this kind of stuff. Unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, empathy – without the healthy and strong boundaries. I can only urge you to approach such whacky oversimplified concepts with much caution and discernment.

The narcissist won’t heal, they are not able to look in their own mirror and see the monster they really are, they won’t introspect, they simply aren’t capable of it. They will never admit that something is wrong with them. They won’t see through their own bullshit, it would destroy their fragile little egos. But you can see through their bullshit and take appropriate action, that’s your power. We’ve been deceived by these individuals, all they ever presented to us was fake. Their personality was fake, they put on a false persona so they could target us easily. In a world that is so asleep to this issue of NPD and psychopathy, where most people don’t believe that something like that would actually happen, that some individuals are capable of putting an entire fake persona and get away with it. But it’s real and affects many people. We need to be real about it, swallow the harsh truths and take the best possible action for ourselves.

We’ve been conditioned with plenty of limiting beliefs on what relationships are, what love is, we’ve been made believe that all parents love their children and that someone can abuse another person while still loving them. If you’ve been targeted it is essential to become aware and question all of those beliefs that have been implanted into your subconscious, it’s a very important part of the process of healing.

To those who have fallen for the New Age bullshit version of what narcissists are and how to deal with them need to take off their rose tinted glasses and stop being naive. Those and anyone who has fallen for the mainstream definition of narcissism need to educate themselves on NPD and psychopathy and talk to people who have actually survived narcissistic/psychopathic abuse. Most of them probably never will, but those who really want to get an insight into what narcissism really is should listen to the stories of former partners and children of narcissists who have had to work really fucking hard to heal from that shit that was done to them and empower themselves.

Listening to those stories gives you a good reality check. The consequences of spreading misinformation on topics you know nothing about can be worse than you’d imagine. The issue of pathological narcissism and narcissistic abuse is nothing to be taken lightly.


* I mainly use the term ‘narcissist’ in this article, but when I do so I am including psychopaths and sociopaths. Although I realise that there may be small difference between those types, I use these terms interchangeably. Their traits and behaviours are the same and the way you’re supposed to deal with them is the same too. I chose to use the term ‘narcissism’ because it’s such a commonly used and misunderstood label these days.

Don’t let no bitch chop your balls off

My previous article on feminism was mainly focused on women. This time I’m going to bring men into this more, since men are just as much affected by feminism as women. I’ve been seeing this article ’35 Practical Steps Men Can Take To Support Feminism’ float about on the internet, it’s been shared by both women and men whose interest supposedly is to create ‘an equal society’ and better relationships between the two genders.

The thing is, we have equal rights here in the West. That’s all we need. Other than that, men and women are never going to be equal. We’re different in our nature and these differences are beautiful, interesting and fascinating. But neo-feminists seem to think that turning us all into genderless drones is going to create a better society somehow.

What annoys me about this article is that men are being portrayed as dumb and stupid, uneducated little boys that need a female babysitter to teach them how to behave properly. Supposedly men are completely lacking common sense, don’t understand that non-consensual sex is a crime and therefore need to educate themselves about it, are irresponsible with money and are generally disrespectful sexist cunts who make the lives of women so god damn harsh. They’re all weird creeps who would walk close behind a woman at night just to scare the shit out of her.

At the same time, women are all highly evolved, conscious, innocent, well-educated, knowledgeable, advanced beings who know it all better, don’t make mistakes ever and certainly never mistreat anyone. They are the ones you as a man need to learn from to become a better person, the ones you need to submit to and make your ‘heroes and role models’, merely based on the fact that they have a vagina.

I’m not going to deny that those types of ‘men’ exist who don’t treat women right. There are some right dickheads out there, little boys in adult bodies who don’t know how to respect women or anyone really, who are completely ego driven and use and abuse women. They are out there. I have encountered them myself, I have dated them and I have interacted with them many times. I’ve put up with them for way too long and I’ve let them drag me through the shit. I tried to educate them too and I’ve come to the following conclusion:

You’re a fool if you think you can educate dickheads.

You’re a fool if you think they’ll bother with anything you say or even listen to you, that they’ll take you seriously. Any attempt of getting through to them is just going to be a waste of energy.

Although those dickheads certainly exist, they only make up a certain percentage of all men. I can’t tell you how much that percentage is but I can tell you for sure that there are plenty of decent men out there who don’t fall into the dickhead category. Wonderful, amazing men who respect women and treat them well, who are in their power, real and authentic. These men are strong and self aware, when you assert your boundaries to them, they will respect them. You can communicate well with these men, have a laugh and just feel good and safe in their presence.

It’s just that the person who wrote this article has obviously never encountered any of those decent men, or maybe she had and she didn’t want to see the decency of those men because that would trigger her own inferiority issues pretty quickly and she’d have to face the uncomfortable truth that she can’t blame the entire male species for her issues anymore. She’d be forced to take a good look into her own mirror and that wouldn’t be pretty. She’d have to watch that facade crumble, the shiny facade of the well-educated, morally superior, all knowing, empowered revolutionary feminist woman and she’d have to see herself for what she really is. Too fucking frightening, I guess.

But this is what you need to do when you’re the type of woman who is attracting dickheads. You’ve got to ask yourself the serious question why you’re attracting those types and what issues you have that keep you from staying away from them. If you want to change any of these things you have to work for it.

We may attract dickheads because we subconsciously believe we don’t deserve any better, because we’ve been treated badly by our parents or other people in the past. We may be easily impressed by big egos rather then tuned into the energy of another person, recognising the heart and human decency in them, or lack thereof. Our bullshit detectors may have been neglected, or maybe we aren’t clear about what we look for in a man. Maybe we have our on subconscious unfulfilled desires driving us to enter certain relationships that only give us superficial fulfilment rather than the deeper connection we truly desire. There are many possible reasons why we attract dickheads.

If you don’t make the conscious effort to work on yourself you’ll keep on attracting dickheads, and if you encounter decent men they’ll just make you feel insecure about yourself.

I despise the fact that those neo-feminists are never encouraging women to look within and truly empower themselves. They are encouraging the exact opposite of that. They’ll throw the term ‘empowerment’ around anywhere anytime but they haven’t got the slightest clue of what it actually means.

It seems that to them ‘empowerment’ means ‘having power over others’. They believe they have to take someone else’s power away in order to become more empowered in themselves. That’s bullshit. You’re not empowered if you feel the need to take someone else’s power. You’re fucking miles away from being empowered, you’ve got your head in the sand and your arse too.

The power is found within and women actually have the natural ability to connect with their inner worlds easier than men. That’s one of our true powers. But the avoidant, outwards projecting, blaming, ego-feeding attitudes of neo-feminists are so disconnected from that power that they’ll have a long way to go to actually step into it. I doubt that many of them ever will.

Even though this article was shaming and blaming men in many ways I saw it being shared by men on the internet. I wondered what kind of man would be sharing an article like that. A real, authentic and empowered man would call out the bullshit on it. Only weak, disempowered and inauthentic little boys in adult bodies who think it will somehow get them laid to promote that load of wank will buy into it.

The ‘white knight’ type, the kind of guy I’d never date because I couldn’t be arsed mothering him. Been there, done that, moved on.

Going around and being a whiny little bitch about sexist jokes isn’t going to do the job. It just makes you look like an utter tool who is trying to make everyone miserable. Just like the average feminist, I guess.

Just like there are men who are dickheads there are women who are twisted little bitches who want to walk all over you. It’s no surprise they encourage men to be doormats, to be obedient compliant submissive cowards who do anything a woman tells them to do.

Don’t let no bitch chop your balls off. It’s not worth it.

I hope to see more of the decent men speaking out against this shit and voice their opinions, talk about how feminism affects them and stand up for themselves. I wouldn’t expect anything from men except to be themselves and do their own thing.

At the same time, women need to stop playing the victim. Are you a woman or are you a helpless little girl? Yes, we need men to protect and help us when we are in dangerous situation, like when someone is physically threatening us. But when it comes to non-physical ‘threats’ we need to be as empowered as we can be. We may not be able to physically defend ourselves but we’re certainly able to stand up for ourselves and tell that creepy man at the train station to ‘fuck off’. If you feel uncomfortable by someone staring at you, walk away. It’s annoying, but for fucks sake, it’s life. Why would you spend your life choosing to be a victim? There is nothing more disempowering than being a victim.

There are a few points I can agree with in this article, but generally it’s rubbish and condescending, putting all men into the same box of dickheads, a box that so many men out there simply don’t deserve to be in.

We all have to learn certain things. We need to learn how to step into our power, our feminine or masculine power, how to be authentic, how to express our unique selves, create good relationships with people and plenty of other things. We need to support each other in the process of learning and growth, not get sucked into silly games, be passive-aggressive and use revengeful tactics against each other. Fuck lowering yourself to that and acting like some narcissistic, self-entitled twat. We’re meant to be adults after all, sane human beings.

Men can learn a lot from women. Women can learn a lot from men. In order to learn from each other we need to connect with each other, empower each other, lift each other up and refuse to fall for any division tactic. Mutual respect isn’t about one person being superior over another.

After all, real, empowered and authentic men and women don’t need to follow anyone’s rules. We don’t need a 35 steps guide to tell us what to do. We know in our hearts what is right and we play by our own rules.

Modern feminism is killing femininity

I’ve been watching a few documentaries lately, pretty tragic documentaries of women in other parts of the world. Women who had no rights and no choice, they were forced into prostitution, were oppressed by their societies, by their men and the rigid belief systems they were driven by, they weren’t valued or respected and had all sorts of shit to deal with. Meanwhile in the West… Neo feminists complain about manspreading and mansplaining.

Feminism – you’d think it would be dead by now in the West. The brave women from the past have stood up for equal rights and we got them. These were real women who wanted equality, as it just wasn’t right for women not to have the same rights as men and to get paid less in their jobs. They had a reason to create their movement, a very good reason. They were successful and brought us further in society.

But today, in a society where a woman can do anything a man can do, is feminism still needed? No. Not over here in the West. If you want to stand up for women in the Middle East and other countries of the world where they are still being oppressed, then yes, feminism is certainly needed. But over here it isn’t.

So why do we still have feminism? What is it designed to do? What is the purpose of the movement, what is it trying to achieve?

I’ve got to tell you, I’m not exactly sure what neo feminists are trying to achieve. There’s no mention of the rights of women in the Middle East, so they’re not standing up for that. Criticising other cultures is ‘racist’, ya know.

There doesn’t seem to be a clear goal that neo feminists have, but if you ask them they’ll throw terms at you like: equality, liberation, empowerment, respect. But most likely they won’t give you an exact definition of what these things really mean to them.

At the same time they’ll make up problems that don’t really exist here in the West, like rape culture or the gender pay gap that has been debunked so many times. Why make up problems that don’t exist? Why is it so great to be a victim? Why it so cool to be oppressed?

It’s clear – if you’re a victim, you get attention. And real victims of real crimes and injustices should be getting attention. But making shit up that distract from those real problems that lead to people being real victims, just so you can get your own supply of attention, that’s not only pathetic but also it’s rather disrespectful and therefore hypocritical.

Liberation, liberation! WE WANT LIBERATION. They are screaming for it on the streets. But who wants liberation – and, most importantly, liberation from what? They claim to want liberation from the oppressive ‘patriarchy’ as they call it, but that’s not really it. On the surface it may be, but this goes much deeper. The root cause of the problem lies within.

It’s the woman inside the neo feminist that is screaming for liberation. It’s the woman that has been repressed and oppressed for so long by the neo feminist herself who grew up in a society that told her to do so and is now part of a movement telling her to do so. She’s been brainwashed with bullshit propaganda that has completely poisoned her mind. It’s the woman inside her, it’s her femininity that wants to be liberated.

Feminism has gone too far. It should have stopped right at the point when we got all our equal rights sorted, but it didn’t. Instead, feminism has become a ravishing disease, one that is spreading quickly and widely, just like a man’s legs on public transport occupying the space of the neo feminist.

It has made women become like men, it has encouraged women to compete with men rather than collaborate and connect. “I’m an empowered woman that can do anything a man can do” is the narrative, one that seems to be widely accepted these days and not questioned and analysed enough.

But this couldn’t be further from the truth. A woman who is oppressing herself, who is repressing her own femininity, is not an empowered woman. A woman who plays the victim to get attention, a woman who is addicted to outside validation, a woman who has dropped her natural feminine values to serve her ego rather than her heart is not an empowered woman. A woman who projects her issues onto others and isn’t capable of looking within and dealing with her emotions in an honest manner is not an empowered woman. A woman acting like a man whilst completely disregarding her own femininity as well as the femininity in others is not an empowered woman. A woman begging others for respect while not respecting herself and others is not an empowered woman. A woman projecting a father figure onto the state and depending on it while pretending to be an independent woman is not an empowered woman.

Women are frustrated. You see just how frustrated they are, those on the streets, those on the internet. But why are they frustrated? Is it really because of the ‘patriarchy’? Is it really all about who’s in political power? Is it really because they are oppressed? I don’t think so. The feeling of frustration, it arises from a space of not being in ones power. Although neo feminists will claim that modern feminism is all about empowerment, that’s not actually the truth.

Modern feminism is disempowering women.

Feminine principles, such as creativity, connection, care, emotion, intuition, holistic thinking, nurture, empathy, spirituality, compassion etc. aren’t something that was just made up by society. The science of the right and left brain shows that we naturally have both feminine and masculine aspects within us regardless of our gender. Ideally, to be an empowered individual, you’ve got reach a certain balance. The more you’re out of balance, the less empowered you are. The more you repress, the less empowered you are.

What feminism has done, it has told women to shame and repress their feminine aspects, while telling men to shame and repress their masculinity, disempowering and disconnecting both genders in that way. And this is why our society is getting more and more fucked up.

Both women and men need to step into their power and reconnect.

I can only speak from the perspective of a woman, one who has also been conditioned with much of this modern society ‘regressive pretending to be progressive’ bullshit. I remember how I felt when I graduated from uni after doing a course that wasn’t really my cup of tea at all, it wasn’t what I wanted to do. I was so fucking confused and I didn’t know what I really wanted. Deep inside I knew, but I had pushed these desires and natural urges so far down underneath the surface that I was either not consciously aware of them anymore or I didn’t want to admit them to myself out of fear of what others thought, as well as fear of not surviving if I went for what I really wanted rather than what I was socially conditioned to desire. It took me years to actually get clear about what I really wanted, because it wasn’t something that was socially acceptable for a woman anymore and women who stepped outside that box weren’t really supported by anyone, unless they had a man who provided for them of course. Like most women these days I was told that the way to have a fulfilling life was to be a career woman, make a lot of money so I could be independent and strong.

It took me a while to realise that independence and strength was nothing to be attained from outside, that it was something I had to find within first of all. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I’m not a career woman at all. I couldn’t give two fucks about a professional career. I’m a creative person, all I want is to create and perhaps one day that will be the only job I have to do to provide for myself, if I find a way to make that happen, or maybe I’ll find a man who wants to divide certain roles with me. I have tried working in jobs and only doing my creative work in my spare time but it didn’t work out, my creativity has to be expressed and I want to make it happen, I want to create as much space in my life for my creativity, as much space as it needs.

I want to have a family one day, I hope to find a decent man who hasn’t been programmed with feminist bullshit, a real man who is empowered and free from society’s conditioning. I want to have children and I want them to have the best upbringing I could possibly imagine. I want to stay at home and experience my children growing up, while still having time for my creative work and purpose. I want to cook healthy meals and take care of my home, make it a beautiful place to live in. I love doing stuff in the house. I’d love to teach values like creativity and intuition to my children and make them empowered individuals who are capable of creating a fulfilling life for themselves no matter how crazy this world may be by the time they grow up. Children have to be really fucking strong in a society like this one.

For me these are really some of my goals in life. They might not be for all women, we all have different goals. But I have mine and I think many other women naturally feel that they value family over career, that they prefer to stay at home rather than going to work every day, that they want to do their own thing rather than work for someone else, but it’s not something that is encouraged by our society these days.

Although every woman has different goals, I don’t think any woman seriously wants to live a lonely life making shitloads of money, being able to buy anything she wants but going home every night downing a bottle of wine to get away from all the stress and pressures of her deadly soul-destroying full time job.

It’s not easy for anyone in this society right now, neither for women nor for men. We are living in a society where we have to fight and work hard to make our dreams come true, even if those dreams may be as simple and natural as having a healthy and stable family.

But it’s nothing to feel victimised about. Achieving goals required hard work, work that doesn’t just take place in our outer reality, but also within. True liberation is to look within, questioning and getting rid of bullshit beliefs, mindsets and attitudes we were conditioned with by our society, family and culture. True empowerment means to look within, to do the hard work that is required to rediscover who we really are, what we really want and shine light on all these aspects of ourselves that we were conditioned to shame and repress, so that we can integrate them into the whole being we are and allow them to fully express themselves in their power.

Whatever modern feminism is selling us nicely wrapped as ‘liberation’ and ‘empowerment’ is nothing but utter nonsense. Buying into it is like willingly getting infected with a deadly disease – a disease that is deadly for ones own soul and humanity. Deadly for anything we truly value and cherish, anything that is truly meaningful to our lives.

Modern feminism is killing femininity.

I personally no longer choose to play a part in this. I know what I want and I’m no longer afraid to step outside the box. I have chosen to embrace my femininity, to express it regardless of what anyone things, regardless of how risky it may be for my own survival. Up to now, I’m still alive and I’m in a better place than I was before. I’m lucky to live in the West where I have more opportunities than most women in the world.

As a woman, I naturally feel the need to stand up for my feminine principles and values, to embody them and perhaps inspire others to do the same. In a world that is becoming uglier by the day, I want to create something beautiful to give. In a time where we have nearly lost the connecting with our intuition and bullshit is flooding our streets and minds, I want to empower my intuition as much as I can to detect this bullshit and call it out. In a society that encourages us be unhappy with ourselves the way we are but seek validation from outside all the time to compensate for that, I want to not give a fuck about how others see me but care about how I see myself instead, learn to validate myself. In a society were it’s common too seek respect from others, I choose not to waste any of my precious time and energy doing that but instead respect myself, be a person I have respect for.

In a place where the destruction of the soul is actively encouraged wherever you look, I refuse to take part in that. Instead I choose to liberate my soul, to embody it as much as I can, let it express itself and let its inspiring energy flow through me so I can create something of value and beauty. In this life, this human experience that I’m having in this world, I want to do what I feel that I’m here to do and not what anyone else is telling me I need to do for them. I am free to choose and I choose to be free. Free to do what I want, even if it requires work to get there. Free to speak my truth, even if that makes others feel uncomfortable.

Modern feminism isn’t encouraging any of that. It doesn’t have the goal to bring anything of true value and meaning into our society. It’s not designed to empower us and certainly not to liberate us. It’s designed to keep us trapped inside our own mental and emotional prison, created by brainwashed bullshit beliefs that go against our very nature and the repression of our true selves.

And that’s why it’s stupid. We don’t need feminism anymore in the West. Don’t let feminism kill femininity. Don’t let it kill masculinity. Don’t let it kill the connection between women and men. Kill feminism instead. Or deport it to a place in the world where it’s still needed.


Credit for featured image: Huffington Post